kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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