i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
