if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
