Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
