Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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