you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
