Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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