I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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