whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
