sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
