playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
