i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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