I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
