am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There r osticjed everywhere
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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