All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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