sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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