Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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