Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i believe in u and ur pee
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
