i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im holly from the hills drunk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
