yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
