dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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