My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
