chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
