but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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