Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
