So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
