You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
