I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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