You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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