Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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