you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
