her vagine was all disorganized.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
