WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
