and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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