I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
