I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
