Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
