My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
