I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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