: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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