So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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