We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
