Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
