wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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