oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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