sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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