i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
