my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
