There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
