Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
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So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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