This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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