When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
