allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ugly people sure do ruin things
I cut my penus on the lid.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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