Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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