last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
