Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
