I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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