She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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