I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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