One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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