And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
