took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
