I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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