i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
