Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
