He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
