this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
