Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize