Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
