I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just cut my nipple shaving
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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