Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
