They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
