My brain says no but my pants say off.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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