its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
