I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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