my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
