i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
