My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
