thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
