How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
