saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Randomize
