she looked like the bat from fern gully.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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