and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
