I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
